only the best/strangest/idiotic show ever made.
tonight's episode was with a christian mother from KT and a orthadox jewish mother from boston.....DRAMA.
why did i watch that...
im seeing pete tomorrow.
thrilled.
and im going to sarah's house..and i've never been there. im sure to get lost in townsend.
thank goodness for long weekends.
i might have died if it weren't for this random vacation.
and since i don't want to stay in new england all the colleges i want to go to are too expensive to visit right now so i get the whole time to DO WHAT I WANT!!!
i mean i probably will be at home finishing my common app. but still the thought makes me so happy.

last night was so strange.
when i got home from st. george's i drove out to dinner with the fan. four plus me nina and pri.
and pri loved every minute of it.
but i didn't really and i kind of didn't want to be there because it was just reminding me of how upset i am but at the same time i knew being home would be absolute terror.
i had already eaten so i was just kind of sitting there milking my water with lemon. and its depressing to think that the reason i don't go home is because i'll have to deal with myself more than it is dealing my parents. and i just don't want to do that.
i don't want to see myself in my bedroom mirror or spend time by myself because it just makes me really upset. like now. now im upset.
and when im with people i can't deal with myself while they're around so i have to suck it up and pretend im having a good time. and maybe if i pretend enough that will be true.
i wish it was vacation now. and i would sleep in until ten each morning and watch ER and Dawsons Creek while drinking cold coffee. then hang around in my pjamas until it was really unacceptable to still have them on. and i wouldn't see anyone or talk to anyone and i could shut them out and just think about everything from the distance of my house. and i wouldn't have to pretend i was having such a good time. its okay to be emotional during vacations because you don't have to see anyone and they don't have to know.
i've been thinking about not doing an away winterim this year. i have been thinking instead of doing some wonderful trip to a beautiful place and having last minute experiences with my friends, i would sign up for the novella winterim with Mr. D. i'd save my parents some money and then maybe i could spend it later on a trip during the summer to someplace else. But then again...this is winterim we're talking about. WINTERIM.
why would i want to sign up for something on campus during my senior year when i can basically get into any trip i want??

"If the United States increases pressure upon the Democratic People's Republic of Korea persistently, the DPRK will continuew to take physical countermeasures considering it as a declaration of war." -Pak Gil Yon

oh shit.
this is really bad.

mood: nervous music: Seven Bridges Road- The Eagles

"Why is it that, as a culture, we are more comfortable seeing two men holding guns than holding hands?" - Ernest Gaines

We would like to know who really believes in gay rights on livejournal. There is no bribe of a miracle or anything like that. If you truly believe in gay rights, then repost this and title the post as "Gay Rights." If you don't believe in gay rights, then just ignore this.Thanks.

Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind.

i feel gross-ly sick.
i think im even giving this cold to the keyboard right now.
i don't even want to be this sick.
sometimes i'd like to be sick and just colapes but that isn't now.

yesterday i convinced some kids that we should canoe across a lake to go on a walk through the woods to this old makeout spot from the fifties where there are all these old smashed up cars just decaying. it was incredably creepy. and wonderful. i love my cape friends. always willing to do something strange.

mood: sick

the only sure thing about luck is that it will change.
lucky numbers: 23, 14, 8, 46, 9, 37
learn chinese
July- Qi-yue

mood: Flipp Flopp

today was great.
the mountain was great.
and the view just astounded me....it was beautiful.

the bus ride kind of gave me a little heads-up though. Suddenly we weren't all friends like it thought.
somehow someone creaped in and placed little mines in between all of the people i thought were friends. and now im friggin afriad im just going to step on one of the mines and set off a huge bomb and then there will be no more friends at all.

i finally bought new running shoes!!
at last.
but i probably won't run in them cause my knee feels like it's about to explode.

tomorrow is decade day and i've got the eighties on my mind.
-christina

very very bery sleepy.
physics is mean.
and im getting pretty nerve racked thinking about the meet on friday.
mr. veit confuses the heck out of me. he's worse than a woman with PMS.
today my brain felt so fried.
tomorrow i am driving myself to school.
if i don't show up by eight thirty.....please call someone.
no joke.
it would be typical me to suddenly get in an accident the first time i ever drive alone.
but im terribly excited anyway.
that is all i have to say. bye.

so many great things about today.
highlights:
-ran four miles on gay rd
very sweaty and feeling great
-dennis trainor makes me think
-honors writing roxs
-ELIAS FUND BENEFIT CONCERT IS REAL!!!
-the GSA meeting was productive

there were quite a few downers though. one of which is that i realized that i've been a terrible friend lately. i haven't been putting in any effort at all and that is totally unacceptable. how can i do that? i only really have a few months with these people. why can't i be the good friend i want to be?

the obvious other downer tonight was play practice.
the freshman girls in the chorus kill me.
they giggle at everything.
and i sat across from this huge girl who has yet to understand her body and how to contain it because she kept squirming around and kicking me under the table with her bare feet. umm please no. im crossing my fingers. maybe after a couple of weeks of this they'll finally get tired and the laughter will CEASE!!! oh god i can dream can't i??

tomorrow is assembly day.
and i am frightenned. the study hall becomes this huge mosh pit on tuesdays and fridays. i really miss the theatre--i could get there early and study and not have to worry about getting elbowed in the face or getting sideswiped by a backpack.

mood: jake

first day of school.
i don't really want to talk about it.
all teachers think your only taking their class.
and all teachers pretend to be sympathetic.
its true i swear.
i went out with stu, tyler, and pri to dinner tonight..
and eli was there.
we didn't really speak directly to eachother at all but that was fine. he doesn't care about me and i don't care about him. ha. fine. end of friendship. leave for isreal and then i'll pretend this never happened.
in the car on the way there i told some story that had pat in it.
very bad idea.
i just said he was a friend.
i didn't really feel like dropping that bomb.
at the same time i wonder what eli's reaction would have been if he found out i had a boyfriend.
cross country owns me.
i hope i make it through this season without huge mishapes.
that would be wonderful.
mr. veit is a softie.
and tommy bres. is hirsute.